The Importance of Respect in Jiu Jitsu

Because jiu jitsu is built on trust — and some things really do matter.

We spend a lot of time in jiu jitsu learning not to take things personally. However, there are moments on the mat that go beyond skill or style. They touch on respect, boundaries, and culture. These aren’t just parts of the game; they are personal. Here are 10 moments where it's okay to take things seriously because they reveal the kind of training environment you’re in.

1. Going Way Too Hard on Someone Smaller or Less Experienced

Rolling isn’t meant to be a proving ground. If someone uses strength or speed to dominate a newer or smaller partner, that’s not intensity; it’s insecurity. It's essential to respect the mismatch and scale your intensity accordingly.

2. Ignoring Safety Cues or Partner Taps

This issue goes beyond personal boundaries; it’s a violation of fundamental safety. If someone taps out verbally or through actions but you don’t let go quickly, it demonstrates poor control. Ignoring these cues can lead to serious injury. You absolutely have the right to speak up or stop the round if needed.

3. Not Respecting Injuries or Limitations

When your training partner informs you that they have an injury or need to go light, listen to them. Disregarding an injury isn't “hardcore”; it’s reckless. Jiu jitsu is meant to be a sustainable way to train and improve.

4. Cranking a Submission to Prove a Point

If you already have the dominant position and your partner isn’t resisting, there's no need to finish at full speed. Submissions should be educational and not punitive. Cranking submissions to "make sure they know" something is never acceptable.

5. Talking Trash Mid-Roll

While playful banter can add a fun element to training, crossing into mocking or bragging territory creates a toxic environment. It turns a learning experience into a competition. Save the trash talk for ADCC (and even then… maybe not).

6. Not Acknowledging a Bad Round

Accidents happen; we all go too hard sometimes. If you hurt someone or broke an agreement, own it. Ghosting the fist bump and walking away speaks volumes about your character, and none of it is good.

7. Coaching Without Consent

Giving unsolicited advice during someone’s learning moment is often more about your ego than their growth. Always ask for permission first. Or, even better, let the coach do the coaching.

8. Picking Rounds to Avoid Challenge

Choosing to avoid higher belts, tough rounds, or women in class is not strategic; it's a form of avoidance. People notice. Show up for everyone. Growth happens when you step outside of your comfort zone and embrace challenges.

9. Disrespecting the Space

Leaving your sweaty rashguard on the bench or treating the shower like your personal steam room is inconsiderate. BJJ academies serve as communal spaces. Cleaning up after yourself is essential; being mindful of others is not optional.

10. Making People Feel Unwelcome

You don’t have to be best friends with every student. But displaying a cold shoulder, an eye roll, or completely ignoring someone can be detrimental—especially to new students. The culture of a gym is contagious, and everyone contributes to it.

Realizing the Stakes

Not everything in jiu jitsu is personal; however, some aspects are deeply significant. These are the moments that define your character, not just your skills on the mat. If you've slipped up in any of these areas (and we all have at some point), it’s time to address it. Strive to be better and set a positive tone in your training environment.

Building a Foundation of Respect

Respect isn’t just a technique; it’s the foundation of everything we do in jiu jitsu. It shapes not only your relationships on the mat but also your experience and growth as a martial artist. When we uphold respect in our training, everyone benefits.

Embrace these lessons, and let’s build a community that prioritizes respect and support above all.